Fear will be the death of me. I thought it would be for the love of people. But well, apparently. It isn’t. My mates are out there talking about how they can heal the world. While I am in hiding. Blogging about it. I always hated the movie characters that bailed in the last minute, only to come back and save the day after a three minute lecture and encouragement from the second important characters, who never even get the credit.. Well, that’s me right now. Attention seeking baby. Only this time, there is no one to save me. Just me. But guess what, ‘me’ is not strong. Not confident enough.

This obviously means I am going to grow up, and give up for the rest of my life. Why get married and have kiddies when I don’t even believe in myself? What is the use of bringing one individual down. I’m sure he’s going to want me for who I am. But after being together for a long time, he’ll notice I’m a parasite. I’ll just bring him down with my low self esteem and childish complaints. And no child wants a scared mother. There should be a survival of the fittest university. Where you have to do things for the sake of your life. And not for a certificate, or extra credits, or whatever. Or who knows, maybe I’ll just let the lion eat me up. Giving up is apparently what I do. I have given up on my goals, broken promises, heck I’ve even given up on telling the man that I love what mad emotions are surging inside of me because of him. Because I fear rejection. And I fear I am going to pull him from that cloud he’s on to the brown dirt I’m bent on relocating the people I love the most to.

M. was so right. Wasted Outfit. Wasted makeup. Wasted intellect.