Her- I need hair pins!... Me- I need Grizzly Bear.

It is so weird how I got betrayed by two of the four men I love the most. On the same day. This is not the first time it is happening to me. This is, in fact, the second. Sometimes I ask myself why I blog about these things. Sometimes I think if I need to vent, I can do it indirectly. Directly, via a diary. But the consequences have been experienced. ‘So your diary entry on so so day was so funny. Didn’t think you were pissed about that…’ yes, embarrassing much? So I’m thinking, why give people permission to read it. It’s not like it’s private. Okay no. It is private. But I just don’t like holding these things to myself. I’ll just self destruct. So read my pain, and suffer it! You opened the page, you decided to peruse this. So SUFFER AT YOUR OWN WILL.

Anyway. I do not like lying. I am honest. I have been raised like that. That is one quality of mine that I shall never lose. I lie, of course. I’m human. But not big lies. Honesty… That is one thing I know I cannot ever change. And I am proud. Believe you me. You raised me to be honest. But for you to use that quality of mine to hurt me…, that does not really say good about you. My hand smells like chicken. BRB.

Ahh. Fresh much. Yes, I’m keen like that.

Adamant. Yes, when you said that my anger for you got devoured. Could you please speak to me forever?

ANYWAY.

I told you the truth, and now you are going to use it against me. For all I’ve learned now I should just start lying to you. If that is what you want, fine. Leadership by example.

I have cried for you three times in just four days. Pourquoi moi? Porque tenias que ser irrestableh!

Cigarettes are for nervous people, ... Hookah is for the Sensually Apt

"Cigarettes are for nervous people, competitive people, people on the run [�] When you smoke a narghile, you have time to think. It teaches you patience and tolerance, and gives you an appreciation of good company. Narghile smokers have a much more balanced approach to life than cigarette smokers." (Ismet Ertep, 71 years Turkey)

I got a hold of that sentence when I googled up the history of hookah. I was so sure it was invented in the Middle East. However, because of my trust issues, I still googled it up: hookah is made in India. MY India. J

I am not saying shisha is the love of my life. Frankly smoking gives me headaches. But in the end, it still calms me down. When I take hekka, I have this feeling that all my problems float away along with the smoke. Shisha is beautiful. It is an artistic way of expressing oneself. Faster way to die, so the rumors have it, but it still counts as beauty to me. I love taking it with my legs crossed, on the floor. That gives my spine the chance to be upright cause when I cross my legs my back is straight. I close my eyes when I take it; I close my eyes at sensual things. The only hard part: trust me this is not hard, I like to think it is; is the inhaling part. I like blowing out loads of smoke, so I have to inhale a lot. I am still not good at making visible shapes like rings ad stuff, but I am very good at getting my face covered up. Hehe. Basic. Basic is the best. Sometimes.

I simply cannot even describe how shisha makes me feel. All I can say is that it is the newest artistic thing in my life. I know I should stop taking it. Frankly I barely ever take it. But when I do take it, I just can’t get enough of it…

I want shisha to be a part of my life. Shisha music and horses…

'I Always Fall for Your Type'...

fall for your type is such a sensual song. oh my god, i cannot describe how i feel when i listen to it, really. 
I'm not advising you guys to get with your boyfriends with this song wo! Ah toh, be original... :P
i cannot relate to the song... trust me i have no type (not anymore, the nerds have proven incompetent, so the hottie hot hotties are also on the list and if i might are currently proving competent) but i don't know if it's the beat or the way the lyrics just flow smoothly... sincerely... ai que cancion sensual! 

I might be dumb. Or I just bore easily.

So it occurred to me, I dislike math. Because I suck at it. And it takes a lot of steps to work out the problems. Science, well I’ve always loved bio. Want to torture me, keep that saw down, believe you me I would rather hack off my toes that sit down and understand chemistry and or physics for you. They do not make sense to me, not one bit. Economics? Please drop that graph. Demand and supply make perfect sense to me, just don’t doodle lines and try to explain it to me. I would still not fathom the unfathomable.

But for me to drop literature, one of my favourites, for biology? Talk about from frying pan to fire. Frying pan because it is American literature. I am good wiv literature, American literature on the other hand consist of painful, saddening history. Oh and weird vocabulary.

And I thought bio would be bio bio. NOT molecular bio. Not bio with some chemistry in it. And I am in a class with brain boxes. They are too smart for me. I only work with smart people that can help me without feeling all posh. E.g. Saba, Eric, Urooj, Aliya, Afsheen. They are the only ones I can rely on, and none of them are even anywhere near west Africa. Thing is, we barely keep in touch anymore.

Ho lawrd. The only thing I could do here is actually dedicate two hours of my nights studying these things. I got up early to finish my bio assignment today, which my newest pal boss helped a bit with; he’s super genius by the way. But I can’t seem to complete it. Even though I got helped. Ho lawd. 

i wanna blog, but i don't have anything to write.
I've got malaria, i'm suffering here.
i've got bags under my eyes.
they're bad, and really obvious, i'm obviously lacking sleep, i am being over worked, and i'm being stressed out. i think i know one thing that can help me relax.
Lui. :)
But yeah...
well it's two thirty, was supposed to be asleep by one. but i had a bio thing to do.
i just had to write these boring things down cause i just feel like type-rambling about nothing
nighty night, arividerci :P

Adrenaline Rush

I don’t want to think about anything right now. Do you know what feeling in like means ?? stress, worried expressions, weary and misty thoughts, constant agitation, an over pumped heart, along with supersonic heartbeats (bear with my supersonic exaggeration).  For me at least. But for a week or so now, I felt NONE OF THAT. That feels so good, well, it felt so good!!! That adrenaline rush was no more caused by a testosterone oozing being; it was (FINALLY) caused by achievement, fun, fulfillment and glee. (Are achievement and fulfillment the same??) My boyfriend (as of now I still do not know if I can still call him that, and he is the cause of my being over my first love. And just NOT thinking about either of them felt… so GOOD! No one caught me day dreaming, and even if they did, it was for some delirious moment my friends and I managed to imprint in my memory for some particular (usually wild) reason. J

Obviously I am boyfriend-less because the both of us are POOR at being in relationships, he does not care, and I do not push. So we’re both hanging somewhere, not that I cared for the past week or so. The guy I first fell in love with was no more in my head, simply because I already had my ‘boyfriend’ to think about. But ….

I saw my first love today. He was the epitome of freshness. At least the holiday did him good [ I look a mess, not to mention the GREAT ZIT between my nose and upper lip]. Oh well so I just have to rush things cause if I sit down and describe him y’all will prolly say ‘oh she’s still in loooove’, but no I am NOT. So yeah he looked pretty good and the genuine hug ended up being really genuine with a RUSH but pardonne moi… mea culpa… so yes as I was saying.

I ended up smiling all the way to my destination via the great big bus (from caf to north campus to dorm … blame my lazy but lovely friends… we couldn’t walk under the not so sunny sun) and yes, I had to admit the obvious to my friends, he makes me happy. The way they made me admit it made it look like I was committing a crime, when really, I was not. The other thing was they KNOW    que esta pasando, how happy I get when I see him, naughty brats just wanted to hear me say it!! Brrr, imam kick their butts! Lol

But think about it, is being elated after seeing you ex-first-love a crime?

No I think not. But since I believe the world is a free planet, you can have your own opinion.

Cheerios!

HURT

yes. i am hurt. okay no not really, kawwai i just want to register into my fifth class of the semester. but since that isn't possible, i just have to find something to not make me feel hurt.